Family Pastors as Mentored Disciple-Makers: A Pastoral Identity for Ministry Preparedness

One of the most concerning challenges I discovered while researching family pastors was the study participants’ reported lack of adequate training and mentoring available to them.¹ Many participants described feeling underprepared for the realities of their ministry role. Some pastors shared that they felt their seminary education did not equip them for the practical complexities of family ministry. Others spoke of having to learn through trial and error because there were few people who understood their role, limited resources, or little to no networks specifically designed for family pastors.

Although the New Testament does not prescribe a specific training pathway for pastors, especially for family pastors, it does present a consistent pattern of mentoring. Pastors are formed through relationships. They are shaped through shared life, modeling, and intentional investment. Leaders can learn the ins and outs of ministry by walking with other leaders, not only by sitting in a classroom.

As a pastor to kids and families, and as someone who has spent years conversing with other family ministry pastors, this gap stood out to me. It revealed a real challenge that new and aspiring family pastors face, as well as an opportunity to reflect on the practical theology of a pastor. I’m convinced that all pastors, including family pastors, should be Shepherd-Equippers, Entrusting Endurers, Intergenerational Unifiers, and Mentored Disciple-Makers.

Today, let’s examine that fourth pastoral identity: “Mentored Disciple-Makers.”

This pastoral theological identity emerges from the recognition that all pastors can benefit from the guidance of practitioner mentors. Additionally, those who have been mentored tend to become mentors themselves, multiplying what they’ve learned. It reflects a biblical pattern of disciple-making relationships as one aspect of practical ministry preparation, which responds directly to the challenges uncovered in my study. Family pastors can flourish when they are shaped by others, and they can help others flourish by offering that same relational investment.

Mentoring Relationships is a Biblical Pattern for Ministry Preparation

When we examine how Scripture describes the office of pastor, several principles from the New Testament are found that underpin the qualifications and instructions for aspiring pastors.
Pastoral ministry is, first and foremost, an internal calling from God and a personal desire that transforms into an external calling, which the local church affirms (1 Tim 3:1; Acts 13:2-3).

Paul’s pastoral epistles provide qualifications for a pastor, which help those in the church affirm their calling and desire to become pastors. The qualifications include that a pastor must be above reproach, a man of one wife, self-controlled, hospitable, able to teach, manage his household well, and have a good reputation (1 Tim 3:1-7; Titus 1:5-9). These qualifications are concerned with the character of a prospective pastor rather than his skills.

Additionally, pastors must be doctrinally sound and able to teach and defend the faith “in accordance with the teaching,” implying that these men in Paul’s letters were taught by someone (2 Tim 2:15; Titus 1:9). In order to be doctrinally sound and able to teach, skills and knowledge have to be attained, usually through some form of education.

Although there seems to be no explicit example of formal education for pastors in the New Testament, both Old and New Testament Scriptures demonstrate a pattern of mentoring relationships between a teacher/mentor and his student, disciple, or protégé. Here are just a few examples:

• Jethro & Moses (Exod 18)
• Moses & Joshua (Num 11:28; Exod 17:8-16, 24:12-14)
• Eli & Samuel (1 Sam 3:1-16)
• David & Johnathan (1 Sam 18-23)
• Elijah & Elisha (1 Kings 19:19-21; 2 Kings 2)
• Jesus & His Twelve Disciples (John 13; Matt 8:23-27; Mark 8:27-33)
• Jesus with Peter, James, & John (Luke 9:28-36; Mark 10:35-45; Matt 26:36-38)
• Barnabas & Paul (Acts 9:23-31; 13)
• Paul & Timothy (2 Tim 2:2)
• Paul & Titus (Titus 2:3-8)

Paul’s relationship with Timothy is one of the strongest examples of this pattern, particularly in the context of a young pastor. Paul reminded him not only of what he had been taught, but of what he had seen in Paul’s life: his faith, his teaching, his endurance, his love, and even his suffering (2 Tim 3:10–14). Timothy learned ministry by watching Paul live it. This is why Paul urged him to “continue in what you have learned and firmly believed” (2 Tim 3:14). Formation was personal, relational, and intentional.

In my research, this biblical pattern became even clearer. When family pastors discussed feeling unprepared, they weren’t referring to a lack of theological knowledge. They were describing a lack of practical wisdom. They had learned doctrines, but not the daily rhythms of shepherding families. They were trained in theology, but not trained in the complexities of local church dynamics and potential personality conflicts.

This is where “Mentored Disciple-Makers” emerges as a pastoral identity for preparing new or aspiring pastors. Ministry becomes sustainable and effective when pastors are shaped through close, intentional relationships with others who have gone before them, who can show them the ropes, and who can try to prepare them for potential ministry landmines. Mentoring helps fill the practical, emotional, and spiritual gaps that formal education cannot address on its own.

*I want to be clear! I don’t advocate against formal theological training, nor do I claim that it’s always impractical. I am simply stating that participants in my study, as well as approximately 53% of other pastors, have expressed that their education did not adequately prepare them for the practical aspects of their role. I believe mentoring relationships can help fill this void.*

Mentored Pastors Should Learn Ministry with Someone, Not Just from Something

The absence of mentoring left many participants feeling isolated and unsupported. Several talked about “learning on the fly,” “figuring things out as they went,” or “just hoping they were doing it right.” These were not family pastors who lacked calling or intelligence; they were pastors lacking a guide, or at the very minimum, peer collaboration.

Yet, two of the sixteen pastors in the study who did have mentors spoke with gratitude about how transformative those relationships were. They mentioned how their mentors shaped their instincts, helped them navigate difficult situations, corrected blind spots, and gave them confidence they did not previously have.

This affirmed what I have seen in my own ministry experience. Ministry leaders are not formed primarily by content. They are formed by experience (either their own or someone else’s) and companionship. They grow by walking alongside someone who has walked faithfully before them. Mentoring relationships can steady them. It can anchor them and help them endure in pastoral ministry. That is certainly what happened with Paul and his mentees.

When family pastors are mentored by experienced practitioners, they may learn:

• how to care for families through crisis
• how to disciple parents and volunteers with patience
• how to respond to relational challenges biblically
• how to pace themselves so they do not burn out
• how to integrate theology into everyday ministry moments

These are the realities no textbook or professor can fully prepare a pastor for. They are learned through shared life and experience.

Mentored Disciple-Makers are More Likely to Reproduce What They Have Experienced

One of the most compelling patterns in my research data was that the family pastors who had been mentored naturally talked more about discipleship with “mentoring” or “coaching” language, and articulated strategies that focused on relationships. They personally discipled others with intentionality because someone had discipled them with intentionality.

In other words, mentored pastors become disciple-makers.

This mirrors Paul’s instruction to Timothy to entrust what he had learned “to faithful men who will be able to teach others also” (2 Tim 2:2). Mentoring does not stop with one generation. It multiplies. Those who have been shaped by a mentor often feel compelled to invest in others the same way.

For family pastors, this means:

• discipling young leaders and volunteers
• walking with parents as they learn to disciple their children
• modeling spiritual practices instead of simply explaining them
• creating relational environments where formation can happen naturally
• training others not only in what to do, but showing them how to do it

Mentoring relationships reflect how God has always formed His people. Discipleship has typically depended on shared life, imitation, encouragement, and intentional investment. Pastoral development is relational, and it thrives in community.

Conclusion: Mentored Pastors Become Prepared Shepherds

As I reflected on the voices of the family pastors in my study, one truth stood out. Almost all of them had theological training, but only two had a pastoral mentor who walked closely with them into ministry. While I cannot make a generalized statement about all pastors based on these two examples and maintain academic honesty, I can say that the biblical pattern for mentoring relationships does not disadvantage aspiring pastors.

Those two pastors described their mentors as essential to their growth. Their mentors taught them the practical side of ministry, the emotional wisdom necessary for shepherding families, and the pastoral instincts that they had not encountered in their educational experiences.

Their experiences highlighted something important: perhaps a renewed commitment to biblical mentoring relationships could help aspiring family pastors feel more prepared, supported, and confident. Mentoring would not replace theological education, but it could complement it.

Churches, denominational groups, and seminaries have an opportunity here. They can build mentoring pipelines, cohorts, or networks that provide family pastors with the support they long for. These environments could help alleviate pastoral isolation, foster spiritual resilience, and cultivate healthier leaders for the next generation.

This is where I would like to serve you as well.
If you are a new or aspiring pastor, especially seeking a second-chair role, and you feel the weight of navigating ministry without guidance, I want you to know that you do not have to walk this road alone. One of my goals moving forward is to come alongside pastors who feel underprepared, isolated, or unsure of how to grow in their calling.

If you would benefit from having someone encourage you, help you think through ministry decisions, or simply walk with you and your spouse as you develop your pastoral calling, I would love to connect.

Use my contact page to reach out, or subscribe to my email list to hear more about upcoming opportunities for mentoring and ministry coaching.

1. My dissertation research will be published in book form soon. If you’re interested in a copy, please subscribe to my email list to be notified when it becomes available. ↩︎